abundance · adulthood · community · compassion · forgiveness · growth · love · reality · receiving · surrender

What Ifs – A Response

What if I thought more of others’ happiness
What if I were grateful for what I have
What if I took good care of my possessions
What if I took good care of my body
What if I allowed myself to receive love from others
What if I allowed myself to receive my own
What if I believed I was alright
What if I were grateful for my coffee mugs, 
                                                 gifts from
kind friends
What if I were grateful for the furniture in my apartment, 
                                                 free, all of it
What if I were grateful for the electricity
                                                 clean water
                                                 hot water
                                                 a refrigerator
What if I allowed myself to fill my refrigerator
What if I allowed myself to believe in my inherent goodness
What if I believed that I was more than my wants
What if I believed that I was able to carry more than I ever
have
What if I thanked others for their kindness
                                                 What if I meant it
What if I let myself feel love for other people
What if I let myself feel generosity of spirit
What if I thought there was enough for everyone
What if I thought more about everyone
What if love was a gift

What if I let myself breathe 
                                                 when I hug people
What if the smell of children’s hair was enough
What if I let myself believe in my dreams
What if I let myself support them in an adult way
What if I opened to hearing your praise
What if I opened to hearing your guidance
What if I opened to hearing your story
                                                 without thought
to improve, correct, enhance
What if you were enough.

What if I were enough
What if I let myself stop 
                                                 worrying
                                                 being small
                                                 hiding
What if I believed it were safe
What if I believed you were safe
What if I believed that I were
What if I let myself be
What if I were more generous with my gifts
What if I were more generous with my affection
What if I were more generous with my laughter
What if I could relax
What if I could relax.
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community · finances · reality · self-care · travel

My Morning Jacket – er, Blog.

My wireless was down this morning, so you get this near-afternoon session. How are you? Have you done something different with your
hair? You look great today! It’s so wonderful to see you. How did that thing
work out that you were telling me about? Is that leak all fixed from last week?
Wonderful! I’m so glad to hear.
It’s nice that you and I get to have these little chats
together. They’ve become something of a moment of calm and clarity – I hope you
get something from them too. For any period of time when we miss each other, I
think about you – do you think about me?
I was invited to go to Florence Italy yesterday, but I will
turn it down I believe. Why? Because I would have to pay to be an assistant for
a workshop that I’m only mildly interested in, and assist a woman for 3 weeks
who I’m not sure we’d get along in that capacity too well. Basically, I’m being
asked to be worse than an unpaid intern for a class I don’t want to take in a
country that I’d love to see on my own terms.
After I got off the phone with the woman yesterday, I told
my visiting friend what all that was about, and she said, point blank, and in a
way I hadn’t considered… “So, what do you get out of it again?” … Hmm. I
thought. I’d have to buy my own flight, pay for my own housing, pay for the course, and
work for free in a field of mild interest … I might as well just go to Italy myself, if that’s the case.
It really hadn’t occurred to me that I might not want to do
this – again, it was only a case of “could I.” That’s really my only question
when it comes to jobs – can I do it, not do I want to – and then I back out, if
I can, of those that I’ve taken on when I finally realize I don’t actually want
the job.
So, I’ll make some phone calls around this, confirm that this
isn’t at all a right thing for me, and also take note that the idea of going to
Europe is still very strong – whatever comes of it, I have no idea, but, I’d
like to go.
I’m also very glad that I’ll get the chance to do it sober,
so it’s not like some people I hear, in their 20s at least, who pretty much do a
pub crawl through the continent, and may as well be in any bar in the U.S. if
that’s the case.
However, I am pretty clear that I’d like a wingman/travel
buddy. I love to do solo driving trips, but something about real travel, or
camping, or vacations, I want to do with
someone. I really want to nudge you in the odd trinket store and show you the
trinket. I want you to say – omigod, look at that and point to some local
intrigue or view. I want to share those memories with you later on, and in the moment,
I want to have that camaraderie of joint experience.
I travel better with people. Without them, I tend to get a
little forlorn. It gets lonely to look at something so beautiful or
awe-inspiring and not have someone to share that with. Or something funny and
no one to really laugh with. There are some things that I don’t mind doing
alone, and most of them have to do with local things – going to the movies,
going to a restaurant, a gallery. That’s fine, because, it’s local, and it’s
intermittent, but a real trip, well, I’d like to do that together.
So, if you’d like to go to Europe with me, travel around
with someone who loves curio shops, and hiking, and tourist traps, and little
known gems, and walking the course of a city in a day, let me know, because
like I said, you look simply gorgeous today – and I think you’d look great in
our photos.