Please Hold – Visions Pending.

This morning I head to a magical mystical place. Fremont.
Just kidding. I will
head to Fremont, and from there, be driven by a woman I’ve never met to a place
I’ve never been to do a thing I’ve never done.
A friend of a friend is driving me to the Santa Cruz
mountains to participate in a sweat lodge this morning.
I’ve…never done this. I have very little knowledge of what
it’s about, what to expect, what I’ll experience – except for one story
reported from a friend of mine recently… that after the sweat lodge, a few
hours later, maybe a day?, she cried the Ugly Cries in a way that
sounded like it psychicly shattered her pelvis. She said that she
bawled, and had a near mental breakdown for about 24 hours or so. … So… Uh, why
am I going?
Well, I’m curious – and I think it’s good timing. The lure
of a ritual, of a symbolic cleansing, or renewal, or rebirth, sounds like its
just about right for where I am in a lot of aspects of my life. The end of school,
surely, but also more personal ways – an upcoming anniversary of sobriety, a
particular set of work that I’m on in my recovery, and the
anticipation of what may be the beginnings of my departure from the Bay back to
the East Coast.
To let go, to let go of things that aren’t working for me.
Patterns of beliefs or motivations or behaviors. I don’t anticipate that I’ll
be rendered white as snow – in fact, the only thing I really anticipate is that
I’ll be engorgedly thirsty.
I am naturally a water-toting animal. I am nearly always
thirsty. However, in the recent month or so, I’ve been doing a little more
reading and having more consideration of the planet’s fresh water supply, and
its dwindlingness, and I must admit – it’s made me thirstier than ever.
Or perhaps, I’m just more aware of how much water I do drink
and need. But, there’s nothing like watching a documentary on the water
shortage to make you imminently thirsty!
So, I anticipate that – though, who knows, maybe I’ll just
be thinking how freaking hot it is, I won’t even remember that water exists!
I’m curious, anticipatory, and open, most of all.
I’ve tried a lot of woo-woo spiritual nonsense and sense
since I’ve been in the Bay Area, so what’s a sweat lodge or two? Although, I
will admit that it would be grand to be rendered white as snow – or rather, to
be magically and majestically relieved of the blocks and fears and judgments
that I carry around with me. Maybe I’ll get movement on them. Maybe not. But,
it sure would be grand to be struck full with a divine vision, like Joseph
Smith, … only without all the wives.
Keep you posted. 

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