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Sustaining the Jing

I suppose another reason for discontinuing the blog for so
long is that when you’re unemployed, and on the job search, there’s not much to
report. Not that when you’re employed, all there is to talk about is work, but
being on the job hunt, it tends to become the primary focus of thought and not
of much interest to others.
A psychological hurdle I did get past during this several month job hunt was to get past my
attachment to every job I applied for. I came to see it as this steep and time-collapsed manic-depressive wave – get SUPER excited and apply for a
job-that-is-everything-I-could-ever-want; either don’t hear back from them, or
hear back and find out, in fact, it is not everything-I-could-ever-want, and
plunge into the depths of despair.
Not pleasant to report from there, and not pleasant to experience
day in and out. Finally, after really recognizing that as I hadn’t heard from
one company within a day and watched my mood plummet as though it were a
Looney Tunes anvil, I found myself tearing on the phone to a friend that I just
couldn’t go through this emotional roller coaster all the time, or any more.
She suggested that I try to hold the search with more
curiosity rather than attachment. “Hmm, this sounds like an interesting
position, I’ll be interested to see what happens.”
This, has helped immensely. But, it’s also taken a lot of
the drama out of daily living! To the positive and negative ends of that. Lack
of drama can equal less exhaustion, but the ho-hum answer to “So what have you
been up to?” as, “Just applying for jobs, interviews, and whatnot,” not the
fodder for the great American blog.
That said, back to what I said a few days ago, about trying
to inject a little levity into the daily slog, I have been managing to have a
bit of fun and adventure.
I was able to finally use the VIP ticket my former employer
gave me to go see the Gaultier exhibit at the DeYoung on a weekday when it was
less but still crowded. However, getting through two of the five jaw-dropping
rooms at my minutiae-examining pace meant that after an hour and a half, I had
to leave to eat something or risk fainting on the motorized runway of
mannequins. An extensive and gawk/awe-inspiring exhibit, I highly recommend to
those of you in the Bay to see it this closing week.
Today, also, I will finally be able to use my ticket to the
Legion of Honor my friend Corinne left to me when she moved back to Chicago
last month. So situated that it’s hard to get to without a car, I’m cat-sitting
for a friend of mine today through Thursday, and will therefore have her car…
and access to the Man Ray exhibit. I love him, and all those Surrealist and
Dadaist weirdos.  
I remember taking early American experimental film in college,
walking in late usually, and reeking mightily of pot, and taking my seat to
watch a Bunuel or Maya Deren, or Dali and his awful cloud cutting across the
moon like an eyeball whereupon he substituted a goat’s eye and really sliced
it, pouring out the guts of it. – Very good stuff to watch stoned. …
In any case, I’m excited to see this exhibit today, plus the
Legion of Honor is one of my favorite museums in the Bay Area, with their
Spanish Moor ceilinged room and the French Baroque one, its ornately inlaid
everything.
I also went to karaoke this weekend. I was reminded
feverishly of the time I was at a karaoke room in Korea and I became such an
enthusiastic (and drunk) tambouriner, that I awoke the next morning with a
wicked 6 inch bruise all up the side of my thigh from where I’d banged it repeatedly – I was a very good
tambouriner. I got to demonstrate my skills again this weekend. A friend of
mine was celebrating her birthday, and being the only one besides her husband
who really gets into that kind of thing, we all play along well because we love
her and it is a laugh. The company is really what makes it though.
Still on the docket, before it runs out in September, is my flight lesson.
I bought one of those LivingSocial deals last year for a two-hour flight
lesson. But the airfield is down in Hayward and hard to get to without a car –
and as it occurs to me now, I will have one for the next few days. I will call
them today. I have loved flying in planes since the first time I was on one.
There’s a feeling of the suspended nature of everything. Any thing I might have been worried about even
minutes before is now literally hundreds of miles away. There isn’t
any thing that I have to do at that moment besides enjoy
the ride – I can’t control anything when I’m a passenger in a plane. There’s
nothing I should
try to control.
It’s the most tangible manifestation of surrender of perceived control that I
know. And I love it.
Sure, your tuchus will get sore or tired after long enough,
but the sense of anticipation for wherever it is I’m going. I could be landing
in Cleveland, and I’d still get the butterflies of anticipation. I love flying.
I feel like I’ve been up in the kind of plane I’ll be learning on once or twice when I
was young, perhaps on a family trip to Cape Cod, but I asked my dad, and he
doesn’t seem to remember that. So, maybe I made it up, just salivating with the
dream and thought of it.
Lastly, despite the failure of the caffeine-reduction
experiment, I’m getting all this new information from a friend of mine who is
way into herbalist nutrition, having given me a shake comprised of the contents
of a compost bin. Not really, but really, one of the herbs translates as “Mr.
Ho’s Hair Turned Black,” as the herb is purported to reverse signs of aging.
More importantly to me, however, is that she’s helping me to moderate the signs
of adrenal fatigue, which is this lovely thing I’ve been diagnosed with which
says “Sorry Lady, you blew your store of adrenaline too early in life, now
we’re creeping along on fumes,” and means that lately I’ve been getting dizzy
when I stand up, among other things. So, unless I restore my adrenal levels –
and as my herbalist friend tells me, my Jing levels – I’ll be crap out of luck
in maintaining energy throughout the days.
So, I suppose there is enough going on without work to
consider. I’ll be certainly glad to not have that gnawing impending doom
feeling once I have steady work again, but I also do know that it’s not what
makes or keeps me happy. It’s all these other ways that I’m supporting myself
with culture, adventure, and forays into the mystic realms of herbs I can’t
pronounce. 
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