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Coincidentally …

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It’s been a week of coincidences, reminding me I’m not
alone, that people care, and that I can take action in my life to move forward
and take care of myself.
First, I ran into my friend the acupuncturist, who I was
just thinking about, and got the instructions for this technique he told me last
time we met.
Next, I took myself for a facial at a fancy sf salon (chemo’s a little weird on the skin), and an
old co-worker/current friend happens to work there now, so I got a treatment for
free, plus enormous hugs.
Finally, I was walking to the movies yesterday, and ran into
an old schoolmate who had just been thinking of me, and wanted to put me in touch with a writer friend of hers.
Add to that, that I called one of my friends with a band
last Sunday, and she invited me to sit in with her band practice today,
And I guess you have a Universe or world where good things
happen, too.
It’s been so strange to be moving out of cancer world. It
begins to feel less real, and yet, it still colors and informs everything. I am
not oblivious to the fact that I’m blessed
to be even just alive, let alone taking actions that make me happy. I actually
danced in my apartment yesterday. Thanks to the shuffled Pandora music playing on the laptop donated by a school friend of mine, I got to relive some
90s ridiculousness, and bounce around to Blink 182 and R.E.M.
I haven’t felt that kind of umph in a while. … Although it
helped that I slept until noon yesterday, despite the gorgeous weather. My body has needed it. Waking up for work,
and not napping in the afternoons as I had been is taking its toll on me, but I
will continue to get stronger.
Also, I got on the work-trade list for the workout studio I
love, and will soon have access to unlimited free classes – lifted “seat”? Here I
come!
There are things that I have control over. What I do, and
how/when I do them. Sometimes these things aren’t done, because of patterns and
habits of self-denial. But, I’m actively looking at and working on those too. I
have two therapists, and a psychic (ahem, “intuitive”)! It’s not
just about “getting out there.” Anything is easy once or twice, and then
several days of non-stop t.v. It’s about getting to the root of the pattern and
cutting them out, letting them go, recognizing their falsehood while doing the things I do have control over.
I can call that friend with the band. I can email my writer
friend that, yes, I will go to that reading with him. I can dance in my
apartment, and remember that music and joy do exist in this world. … I can make
the phone call to the Tax Board and ask for help working out this 2010 IRS
business – and I can speak to a woman there who thinks all is perfectly well,
and we can totally sort this out, no problem.
Taking action. Sometimes that means, like yesterday, staying
in my pajamas til 4pm; playing dress-up with the dresses a friend recently gifted me to feel feminine again; taking a
long-needed shower and shaving places that the cocoon of cancer made me forget; and laughing with nostalgic delight as Presidents of the United States sing “Peaches” behind a happily shimmying me. 

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