getting ready to graduate with a Master’s Degree. All that happened since then;
the joy of having my whole family, including my dad and his fiancé come out to
see me; my dad getting to see me perform my final for acting class, and his
commenting on how surprised and impressed he was at my performance. (And my own
bits of, A little late to notice that I’m talented, but thanks.) My mom and
brother witnessing me read a poem at the “Spiritual” commencement ceremony, and
getting to experience what I’d been trying to do for two years in school. The
positive feedback from strangers and listeners.
but not too worried. The calls with the ‘this would be so perfect for me!’
start-up arts education school and gallery… who could only pay $30k. The
trolling of craigslist for apartments and roommates in New Jersey, because
maybe it was time to go back. The increase in the fevered pitch of anxiety and
worry about money, and jobs, and position, and location, and future, and
had literally $3.98 in my bank account at my first paycheck.
community, and those moments of perceived failure and desolation. The poor hard
wrenching of my psyche and little heart and big ego, ending indeed in cancer.
generosity). I’m working through truly old relationship patterns because I have
to, because they’re here. I have formed strong friendships with people I barely
knew because they showed up for me with a plate of cupcakes, a bowl of soup, a tub of pudding.
postponing joy until I had a different job and job title. When, in fact, that’s
backwards. The job is what it is, and will be until it isn’t. (said Alice.) But I’m the thing
that can change, and I am.
self and self-esteem last year at this time—acting, performing my work, meeting
up with playful friends—those are the things that I’m grabbing back to again.
My friend’s band I sang with the other week has two other gigs in June they’ve
invited me to sing with. I have two writing groups set up, a softball team I’ll
begin playing with in June, and callouses that please oh
please I hope form soon on my poor pinky from playing my guitar again, however
always have said no one knows I do. It’s time that you do.
my job title is still the same.
from when I was sick, and I proposed a monthly poker night with my friend who
just moved close by.
I just finished chemo two months ago.
dissatisfaction, and even debt.
pride, a grin the size of Wisconsin, and family and friends supporting me.
Truthfully, there is no reason–aside from my own stubborn curmudgeonness–that this
year I shouldn’t have the same.