I was able to share on a phone call yesterday some of my fears about “going into hiding.” I told them how I’d done this flurry of work, inspired to send out this essay recently to magazines for publication … and then how it was published! … and then I stopped writing my blog for a few days because I got scared (of what, it’s hard to say).
Then, my bandmate and I played a small gig the other night for about 60+ people after some success 2 weeks ago when we’d played out, and I told the phone listeners that I was afraid that if I didn’t set up another gig or specific plan for sometime soon, it would be another year before I sang in public. In fact, I said the same thing to my bandmate as I drove him home that night!
I also told the phone listeners that I’m … moving in with someone right now, and how I know that my time and attention can become exceedingly divided, and I can get off-kilter when in relationship, and I wanted to tell on myself so that I could keep my priorities front and center.
These are the priorities for me. A relationship is wonderful, and what will happen here remains to be seen, but thinking about it, or him, doesn’t move me toward my visions. And my visions are quite specific nowadays, thanks to my Goals Group, so I really have no excuse.
Magazine columnist; Small plane pilot; Lounge singer.
These are my goals, and I want to ensure they stay that way. Whatever else happens around them. To do that, I want to be focused on them, I want to set up guards in place so that they’re unstoppable, inalterable, have fail-safe mechanisms. I want my goals to be impossible to fail. Not necessarily on the basis that I’ll succeed in my business ventures, but that they’re not diverted from, that they have a chance to succeed because I’m putting energy and attention and intention into them.
My meditation (Desire and Destiny from Deepak and Oprah) tells me I have only 2 tools in this lifetime: Attention and Intention.
With my intentions clear, but my attention divided, I cannot get to my goal. I need the same voice I intone to my more distractible students: Stay on target, Mol. Stay on Target.