Category: stagnation

action · emotions · stagnation

More than a teaspoon

Molly Daniels Hayes1 Comment

9.2.18    “Don’t you understand how Cho’s feeling at the moment?” [Hermione] asked.
    “No,” said Ron and Harry together.
    Hermione sighed and laid down her quill.
    “Well, obviously, she’s feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying.  Then I expect she’s feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can’t work out who she likes best.  Then she’ll be feeling guilty, thinking it’s an insult to Cedric’s memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she’ll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry.  And she probably can’t work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that’s all very mixed up and painful.  Oh, and she’s afraid she’s going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she’s been flying so badly.”
    A slightly stunned silence greeted the end of this speech, then Ron said, “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.”
    “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have,” said Hermione nastily, picking up her her quill again. 

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Among the feelings I’m experiencing today are:

  • excitement about my burgeoning journalism club at school
  • distress at how school-eaten doughnuts aren’t shedding like they used to
  • sorrow at missing my ex
  • determination to not get sucked back into a relationship that was clearly not working
  • resentful that my family expects me to travel Back East for the holidays each year
  • anticipation about getting my small-plane pilot’s license
  • concern over my NJ best friend’s health
  • expectancy for my meeting with my financial advisor
  • chagrin over not sending my brother a timely birthday card
  • hope/hopelessness over these dating apps
  • inspiration toward acquiring updated home decor
  • self-reproach over avoiding my personal writing
  • gratitude and awe in continuing to establish a career path I love
  • curiosity/sadness about who to invite to the opera series I’d bought when I was with J. 

Clearly, I have no problem holding multiple emotions at once!  But before I languish in overwhelm or analyzation, I’m going to get up and cook those 15 pounds of vegetables I purchased yesterday.  Knowing my emotions is awareness; analyzing them is useless.

Out of my head, and into my body.  Go. 

 

kindness · progress · stagnation

It’s okay, boo.

Molly Daniels HayesLeave a comment

8.15.18In finishing Pamela Druckerman’s new book, There Are No Grown-Ups, I’ve been reflecting on her discussion and research of Widsom.  (Yes! There is scientific inquiry into “wisdom” and what makes someone wise.)  Wisdom, as my summer plane-read tells it, is the combination of experience and reflection with an ability to extrapolate that information forward.

As I take in the state of my physical home and body since I arrived back from my 5 weeks away, I notice several things that are not unusual:  a sinkful of dishes, full-to-burst recycling, and an absolute absence of physical exercise.

What is unusual is that I know that this is temporary.  

I have tended in the past to make such “horrors” mean something about me, and to mean something about the condition of my future.  I extrapolate this state of chaos and sedentariness to be a permanent stagnation that will forever impact the rest of my beating life!

Luckily, today I know that this is not the case.  I know that my physical states reach low periods during transitions or hard emotional times, and I have seen them change!

When several months ago, as my relationship was in devolution and my boyfriend was still living here, I drove home from work, sat on the couch, and read Game of Thrones for 4 hours.  Every day.  For weeks.

I didn’t “want” to be spending my time that way.  I kicked myself for “wasting my life.”  I feared this meant I would never have ambition, never make progress in my life.  But in retrospect, I know that it was my way of coping with the circumstances, and I saw it change very quickly once the parting was imminent.

I have had periods of time where I binge on baking shows, novels, pinterest.  I have also had periods when I walk every afternoon, go to the gym, run regularly…or even do art.  I have even had times when I wash my dishes every evening and arise to a clean kitchen every morning.

So, what I know, and what is bringing me relief at the moment, is that my physical chaos/stagnation is just a blip.  It’s just a manner of self-soothing.  And I get to be kind to it today.  I get to say, “Hey guy, you’re clearly having a lot of feelings right now, but don’t worry, they will pass.”  My home will again be clean, my body will again feel strong.  And my life is and will again feel one of progress, I promise.

I’m so grateful for the chance to use my wisdom—experience, reflection, extrapolation—to offer kindness to myself.  Because I have never once nagged or bad-mouthed myself into or out of a damn thing anyway.