intended for relationship diagnostic purposes. See a doctor if symptoms
of complaints we’ve heard over the years:
thinking about “nice-ness.”
translate “being nice” as allowing the other person to make the decision:
“Whichever movie looks good to you.”
other person to choose, we figure, means that we’re being “nice” by saying that
we respect and trust their opinion. We’re also saying (perhaps) that we don’t want
to impose our will or assert our own interests or preferences, because we’re
afraid that if we do, we’re going to proffer the “wrong” choice.
if she hates Thai? I have absolutely no interest in seeing a chick flick, but
if it means I get to spend time with her, then fine, I’ll sit through it.
in this situation, but actually, we’ve already made one: I am choosing not to
disclose my desires for fear that my idea — and therefore I — will be rejected. Period. So, by contrast, if I let you choose, then I know whatever it is is something you’ll like, and therefore you’ll have a good time and you’ll like me.
of those up, what you wind up with is not knowing at all what the other person
likes, what their preferences are — who they are.
enough of “them” to keep us engaged.
Or at least, I want to find out
if I want to date you.
angling somehow – of course we want this to work! Who doesn’t want to find someone they enjoy and can be themselves with?
people-pleasing, we’re not being ourselves at all. We’re being who you want us
to be – Or more accurately, who we think
you want us to be.
obviously. (And sometimes, yes, you really don’t care.)
other person’s needs or wants. Someone who treats the other like crap.
desire into account is an asshole. And is not someone who I (or
most people I know) want to date.
doormat, and being the one who makes the other a doormat.
But maybe you have Thai beforehand.