judge of my progress or my abilities. But, even though I can’t rightly see myself, I’m beginning to notice that I am hearing
it from others.
bug zapper lamps people hang on their porch. The bugs merely get within range
of the lamp and they get zapped dead. Same with compliments for me: Anything positive that was said would get deflected before it even got close to
touching me. None of that here, pew! pew!
complementary place within you to receive it. If there’s nowhere it fits
within your own understanding of yourself, then there’s no way that it can be
accepted. There’s no ring of truth, because you don’t believe it yourself.
feedback about certain things, because I have begun to hone and cultivate the
place within me that is receptive, the place within me that believes you
because I believe it myself.
about my progress and abilities, and even though I can’t quite feel this, I’m beginning
to recognize that I believe them, I
believe others are seeing this, even if I’m not myself.
believe in the feedback I’m receiving – so there must be something to it.
way to walk about the world, but what it’s doing for me is giving me hope that
one day I can see it. There is an
existence of a cave wall. Others are telling me so. If that is truth, there is
hope that I will see it, too.
To Kill a Mockingbird, the director came
backstage. He was beaming. He was so glad and proud of the work I was doing
went much better; it felt better.
and Friday night, I was better.
lesson. And at the end of a phrase I’d sung, my teacher applauded and cheered –
he even gave me a high five.
loud and thick.
have to get used to hearing yourself.”
reported these incidents to her, as I begin to parse out these places where I’m
being told one thing, but I’m hearing and sensing another.
feel. And she gave me a metaphor (because we all know I love those!):
foundation. And you can’t always see that growth above ground, but it’s
who I am this lifetime and where I’m going. And she said, some people have
really gorgeous foliage, and weak roots.
come to in mid and later life. Creating a root system, carving out the rot,
cleaning the wounds.
until one morning you turn, and the whole field has sprouted green, fully
formed, like Athena.
hearing or seeing myself clearly. I’m not adequately armed with the ability to
track my own progress. And thank god for other people, then!
I am beginning to hear what they’re saying instead of zapping it, because I’m beginning to uncover the place within me that believes it myself.
for me to swallow: