station if there’s one already there.
hold of something new.
but it can be sagely advised around anything. Today, though, it does mean
relationships with, after those who I’ve fallen out of touch with for
self-preservation. This is a category entitled: Men I intrigue with but don’t
want a relationship with. (“with whom I
don’t want a relationship,” yeah, I know.)
6 or 7 names. Now, there are only two left outstanding. The rest have fallen by
the wayside as I’ve changed the electrically charged way I interact with them or have
expressly stated I want to change the nature of our lovely, but ambiguous
flirt. It’s exciting to know that with a few taps on my phone, I can spark the
interest of someone. It’s a boost to the ego — and it’s totally unfair to us both. It’s a lie, really.
just not truthful for me, when I know that these are men who I don’t want to
date or pursue a relationship with. For whatever reason.
friends, to either of us, but there’s something nice about that extra “like” on
your status update or the comment posted somewhere down your page, where you
know they’ve had to dig to find it. Yes, most of these “intrigue”
relationships (meaning, flirtatiously undertoned interactions) are acted out virtually,
and that enhances their ease, their prevalence and the reluctance to “break
them off,” since, who are we really hurting? Everyone “pokes” each other,
from what I really want, and using someone else as a tool to bolster my
self-esteem. Neither of which get me to the healthful relationship (with myself
or with someone else) that I’d like.
unavailable, and strangely(?), the last two remaining are in this subset.
not as innocent as a few extra “likes;” these two are possibilities in
relationship-land, except that they’re not. At all.
your flirtation with them, what you’ve done with them,
because these are not Rated G acquaintanceships you have had.
slight tensing of your thighs.
these flirtations/more than flirtations, but I know this bus is not going to
get me where I want to go. These are not available people. And despite the
purring coo my body radiates when I consider them, my brain and heart can’t
really take it.
nice to get the milk for free, but I’m ready to invest in a cow.
with men and relationships, and I asked her honestly if there was the same kind
of Icarus-style pull in her marriage. If there was that same forbidden, lustful
quickening. If there was that, We’re going to blot out the sun with the heat of
That doesn’t mean it’s not worth being sober; it just means, No, there are some
experiences that won’t be replicated in a healthy relationship.
understand her analogy.
which course I’d rather take. I know where this current “intriguey” bus leads –
right back here, again.
this bus drive on without me, and trust that if I do, there will be a different
one coming. (pun intended.)