The Deepak/Oprah meditation I was listening to this morning, from their “Manifesting Grace Through Gratitude” series, spoke of the idea of being the author of your own story.
Now, as a good “Once Upon a Time” TV show nerd, the idea of being The Author appeals to me! But, so does it appeal to me the idea of renewing my story every day.
The meditation spoke about how repetition makes life stale, and that’s not only in the “same breakfast, same job” kind of way, but also in the “same attitudes, same thoughts” kind of way. What kind of thought habits do I have? And moreover, what kind of thought habits do I want?
Many of my thought patterns center around the idea of my being stagnant, procrastinating, far from my goals even when I know what they are. (The irony is that thought itself is stagnant!) So this morning during the quiet meditation portion of the recording, I tried something called “Mental Dress Rehearsal,” as it’s called in my Executive Functioning training at school.
To really run through a scene how I want it to play out. To feel the skin sensations, the emotions, the engagement and presence I want to feel. Whether that’s inhabiting the idea of playing the piano or trying something new in the boudoir, seeing it happen and living it in my imagination feels much better than haranguing myself for not doing or getting or having the experiences that I want.
There’s a tongue-in-cheek line J likes to throw out occasionally: “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” I’m pretty sure we all know this one from our internal dialogues, harassing ourselves to do, be, or think something different. And, clearly, it not only doesn’t seem to work well for me, but it saps my energy so that it’s difficult to rise above those thoughts.
If, by the opposite tack, I can begin to use my mental power to envision what it is I do want, spinning those positive stories, crafting the exact and enlivening nature of those experiences, and creating a narrative that lifts me up, inspires me, and sparks my spirit, then those are the kinds of mental habits to strengthen.
Imagine on, reader.
I can be a little schmutzedecke (the state of being schmutzy). I used to notice it in a different way several years ago, when I’d knock into doorways as I’d pass through and ricochet off (No, I wasn’t drunk!). Or I’d whack my hand on something as I went by. Or notice a bruise I don’t remember getting. None of these things were that painful–in fact, they mostly didn’t register to me. It was just how I walked through the world, and I didn’t much notice it. Until I did.
“You’d tell me if I had B.O., right?” I called across the house. 
I learned the very hard way during my European trip with my mom that I still have a tremendously strenuous time staying focused on myself. Because of the dynamic early formed with her, she puts off a beacon call that I am constantly attuned to, like a bat. She sends out her sonic waves, attuning to and calling me in.
When J and I were together he would bristle when I would try to get us to schedule something for the weekend. My time is scheduled down to the minute every day at work, he’d practically beg, I just need my weekends to be open and unscheduled. UGH! But how will we ever DO anything if we don’t plan it? What I want to spend time doing will be different than yours so if we don’t coordinate, they’ll never align — MUST PLAN THINGS!
After close to a decade of listening to a friend reference wisdom from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, I purchased a hard copy of the book last year. Whereupon it has sat on my bookshelf for as long.
While devouring a copy of the AARP Magazine—that I definitely didn’t steal from my building’s mail slush pile—I read a letter to the advice columnist. The writer asked if their experience of time speeding up as they were aging was “just them” and the columnist replied, “Nope, not just you.”
In one of the circles in which I run, there’s an emphasis on using our time to best support our visions and goals. If you’re anything like me, that’s not exactly a snapshot of my daily relationship with time!
In the hurricane that is the beginning of school, it can be tough to remember to “center.” With the additional duties I’ve taken on, voluntary and mandatory, I have several fewer hours for pausing, reflecting, planning — for me, basically. And so I’m going to have to become much more intentional about the time that I do have for “me.”
Owning Voice 